guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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