Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
