We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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