I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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