We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
