I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Life is so much better after having sex.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
