Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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