We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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