fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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