I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
