I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have fence marks all over my body
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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