My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
