well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Randomize
