Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
