So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
