so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
