dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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