just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
