She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
