Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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