Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
