So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize