Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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