Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I deserve this hangover.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
