i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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