I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
