And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
