there's paper in my vomit.
smell my finger.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
