thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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