I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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