I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
