lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
