i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
