I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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