I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
