OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
