Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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