ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
