love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
