we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
