At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He passed out mid-signature
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
