After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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