If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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