I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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