i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize