At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
