4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
