Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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