That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
