then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
