What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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