apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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