wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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