oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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