When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
