it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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