I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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