Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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