One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
