You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
