Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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