thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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