she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
