i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
