And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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