My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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