She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Let's paint friendship bongs
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
